I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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