thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
