dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
