I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i drank out of a bidet.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
