Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
