My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
