I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
