it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
