I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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