If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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