I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
His nipple licking is glorious
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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