Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
