so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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