Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
