She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
