I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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