'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
