there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
there was a trapeze. enough said
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
