Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
