let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
