I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
it's like iHOP with fire
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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