Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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