i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
