We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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