I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
