That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
