me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
