she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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