ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
