Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
