I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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