Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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