yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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