WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
