her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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