she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
