This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
