I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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