Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
