It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
