I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
