My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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