he thought i was a dude.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
