It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
