i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
