I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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