I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
