...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
