Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
