Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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