You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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