How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
