I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
