im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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