there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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