He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
