We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
