Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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